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Thursday, April 19, 2012

Back In The Swing Of It??

Those who know me well know what I am going through in my life but maybe it's time to make the official announcement. Here it is: I AM as awesome as everyone says. ;) That being said ... I have decided to do a cleanse of my life and I have lost about 215 lbs. Best cleanse ever. Sometimes it just takes time to realize that not all things are meant to be. For those of you still in the dark, I am speaking of my relationship with Ron. It has had it's ups and downs but once the highs wore off there was just nothing left. It has not been an easy split but there are a few things I have learned from it.

Thing one: A relationship without mutual respect will never last. Before your go jumping to conclusions please allow me to explain. Ron and I always loved each other that was never a question but neither of us respected each other. In my family, we were raised to be self sufficient (by default) which has translated into many of us running our own businesses and struggling to make it on our own. Ron never understood that. He didn't understand why I have a $80,000 education and I run my own small businesses. I never wanted this but with the turn of the economy this is just the way it happened. He always said he was behind me and supported me but I knew he didn't and he would always bring it up in our fights (most of them about money). I struggled with respecting him because of his failure to keep his jobs. Because of our lack of respect for one another we would constantly fight over money and other things. So going through this split here's what I have learned. Relationships based on mutual respect are possible but first you have to respect yourself. I realized that I struggle with respecting myself, respecting others in general, and respecting what I do. No wonder!!! I've realized that I have to come to terms with who I am and what I do. If I can't do that it is time to re-evaluate my life and career choices. I haven't decided yet what I am going to do but I have decided that I am not allowed to be in a relationship with another man until I can honestly respect myself. (Relationships with other women allowed ;-))

Thing two: Trust is key. Trust and respect go hand in hand. Without trust in a relationship your emotions will get the best of you and next thing you know it's the end of the world when the milk runs out. How this makes sense I am not sure but we have all been there. It just takes one stupid thing and all of the sudden your boyfriend/husband is cheating on you or incapable of love or incapable of paying the bills, or caring for the household if you get sick and die .... I could go on... I've always struggled with trust. I have problems trusting anyone. I trust people for the superficial things of life but I cannot seem to trust people when it comes to being there for me, taking care of me, or I can never seem to trust anyone enough to give them my heart. That being said that is likely a good thing as I have not yet found the right person to give my heart to. I thought I did but when it came down to it, I just couldn't do it.  Learning to trust will not be easy. But I've decided that I will. I don't know how .. so please feel free to give suggestions!

Final Thing: I will close with this, crazy people should not be with other crazy people. I will be the first to tell you. I am full fledged crazy. I deal with it pretty well, I know my limits, I know what sets me off, but it is really really hard to keep the crazy under wraps when in a relationship with another crazy. So if you are crazy, find someone less crazy than you.

I hope that you noticed my Thing 1 & Thing 2 reference. If you did not we should re-evaluate our relationship.
On that note here is something to ponder:

   “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

1 comment:

  1. I tried commenting yesterday but it didn't go through, and now I forgot what I was something like...I am proud of you and I love you!!!!