There is so much on my mind these days, so many ups and downs, the drama piles thicker and thicker and here I am in the middle shaking my head in disbelief.
I was raised by a devout Christian mother and I had 4 other siblings plus all the "extras" that always seemed to be around. My memories of my child hood are few and scattered because I have probably blocked most of them. I have a ton of good and funny memories but then I also have some bad ones. The one memory that I do have is the craziness of all the siblings. With siblings comes sibling rivalry. We were always on our best behavior for others but at home we went at it!! We would fight constantly and for the most part it was over nothing. Then we would get in trouble and get spanked (This happened until my bro's were at least 16). Getting a spanking is really nothing to fret over, yes it hurts for a minute maybe and then you go about your day and hopefully you learned your lesson. Well that might have been the case for most people but not for us!
I think my mother was an evil genius. When we got spanked it was the absolute worst and here's why; every time we would get in trouble my mother would find a passage of scripture that fit the situation that was going on. She would read a verse or two from the bible and WHAP spanking numero uno. Read a few more versus and BAMMO she got the other cheek. Read some more and THUMP back to the 1st cheek in the same EXACT spot!!!! OH Lord Have Mercy is she done yet???? She was rarely done after 3. And before you go about calling my mother a child abuser check yo-self. She was no such thing. She was a mother who kept her children in line and taught them very valuable lessons. The lesson I'm using today is Forgiveness. After every spanking we would have to go apologize to whoever was wronged. And we would have to say "I am sorry, (whatever I did) was wrong. Will you forgive me?" At this point the wronged party would have to forgive no matter how heinous the crime.
No matter how old you are, forgiving someone can be so difficult but here is what my mother taught me. Not forgiving someone will ruin my life. The person who wronged me will go about their business none the wiser but if I can't let go and move on it will eat away at me. My grudge will turn into hatred and my life will be consumed with it. Failure to forgive one person can lead to not being able to forgive many others. My anger and hatred will control my life and either push people away or bring them down with me.
This week my ability to forgive has been tested on a daily basis and on most days I have been pushed to the limits. I have gotten so angry and frustrated, broken down in tears, said mean and hateful things. It has taken all of my will power to not retaliate in kind and here is what I can say. Yesterday I woke up early and went and picked up my awesome lil bro Jonner. We went to the early service so he could go to work. The sermon was amazing, I think he was speaking directly to me (I'll touch on this another day). Then I went to my older bro Jason's church and we spent some of the afternoon at the church BBQ-ing in good company. Then we went back to Jason's house where he spent a few hours fixing my truck and I got to hang out with my sis-n-law Arisse. At the end of the day I left with my truck running and a smile on my face.
You can take my belongings, you can steal my money, you can use mean words. But at the end of the day I will forgive you and here's why; I am the luckiest most blessed girl in the world. I have an amazing family who is always there for me no matter what I go through, I have brothers who constantly rescue me when my cars break, fix them for pretty much free. I have sisters who are always there to listen and lend a helping hand. I have friends who would bend over backwards for me even when I don't always deserve it. I have one friend who is constantly making my bed and even though she probably does it for her own piece of mind, it means the world to me.
I will not let you consume my life. You will never break me, I will forgive every wrong. Today I am going to live my life to the fullest, I am going to enjoy every minute. I am a strong woman because I was raised by a strong woman. I am thankful every day for the spankings my mother gave me. She loved us so much that she took the time to read us the bible and teach us to forgive.
If you take away anything from this please let it be this: NO MATTER WHAT ALWAYS FORGIVE, a life of anger is not worth living. If you have children please instill the value of forgiveness on them. And to my friends and family, Thank you.